Finding Balance in Chaos: Embracing Duality and Inner Work

I recently had the pleasure of joining Raj Jana on his Stay Grounded podcast, where we dove deep into personal growth, embracing our shadows, and finding rhythm in a chaotic world. I wanted to share some key insights from our conversation that might help you on your own journey.

The Power of Slowing Down

In our fast-paced world, I’ve discovered a counterintuitive truth that’s transformed my approach to life: slowing down actually helps us move faster. As I shared with Raj, “Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.” When we consciously reduce our pace, we gain greater control over situations and connect with our natural rhythm.

I’ve found that when I slow down, I allow the “dust to settle” enough to feel my internal rhythm—something unique to each of us. This personal tempo becomes our anchor during times of crisis and chaos, whether we’re facing a pandemic, business challenges, or relationship difficulties.

Dancing with Duality

One of the most powerful concepts Raj and I explored is the duality of human existence. We all contain light and shadow, creation and being, strength and vulnerability.

During our conversation, I found myself reflecting deeply on how our lives operate in contrasting states: significance and insignificance, meaning and meaninglessness, light and darkness. This duality is something I’ve come to embrace rather than resist.

I shared my personal journey of confronting limiting stories from childhood: “We create our stories in childhood, usually between the ages of four and seven.” These stories, while initially protective, often become outdated strategies that no longer serve us in adulthood. In my case, childhood experiences of being bullied led to a story that I was “all alone in this world” – a narrative that protected me then but limited me later.

Embracing the Shadow

One of the most profound aspects of my personal growth journey has been shadow work—the process of acknowledging and integrating the parts of myself I typically hide or deny.

During our podcast conversation, I shared an exercise I find incredibly valuable: list three people you admire and three you despise. The qualities you admire in others reveal attributes you possess but may need courage to embrace. Conversely, traits you dislike in others often reflect disowned aspects of yourself.

I’ve found that acknowledging my shadow side doesn’t mean acting on it—it means recognizing it exists. For example, I have a protective side that can become fierce if someone threatens those I love. Rather than denying this aspect, I recognize its value in certain contexts while choosing when and how to express it.

As Raj wisely noted in our discussion, “You can’t have a shadow without a light.” By acknowledging both sides of our nature, we access greater personal freedom and authenticity. The more we can be honest about our full spectrum of qualities, the more we reduce the unconscious power they hold over us.

From Wanting to Desiring

During our conversation, Raj and I explored a distinction that has been transformative in my own life—the difference between “wanting” and “desiring.”

I’ve come to understand that wanting stems from perceived lack, while desire emerges from wholeness. As I explained to Raj, “Wanting very often comes from some absence, some hole… Desire is different. It’s coming from this place of wholeness.”

This shift in perspective—from pursuing what we lack to creating from a place of sufficiency—transforms how we approach goals and aspirations. It invites a powerful question: “If all your needs were met and all your wants are had, what would you desire?”

When we operate from desire rather than want, we create from abundance rather than scarcity, opening possibilities that our wanting mind might never consider.

Finding Your Tempo in a Chaotic World

When Raj asked me how I stay grounded amid the chaos of life, I shared my personal practice, which consists of three essential elements:

1. Creating deliberate space for reflection — Even when life is hectic, I carve out time for introspection, analyzing the stories I’m telling myself and looking for evidence that contradicts my limiting beliefs
2. Surrounding myself with truth-tellers — I’ve cultivated a group of people who see beyond my limiting stories and call me out when I’m not living up to my potential
3. Practicing “adopted ignorance” — I approach each day as a beginner, recognizing there’s always more to learn, especially in areas where mastery is endless (martial arts, photography, business)
4. Focusing on helping others — When I shift my attention to others’ needs, my own challenges often gain perspective

My Invitation to You

I’d like to extend an invitation to you: dance with the full spectrum of your humanity, find your rhythm in chaos, and transform your limiting stories into expansive possibilities.

Remember that your journey doesn’t have to be solitary. As Raj beautifully expressed during our conversation, “You are not alone. You were never alone to begin with. You’ve always been supported by something you can’t see or understand.”

I believe we’re all continually growing, learning, and evolving. The stories that once protected us can be rewritten to serve the vision of who we’re becoming.